Never having spent a summer in New York, I entered August somewhat unfamiliar with the sensation of unrelievable weather-prompted discomfort. Air-conditioning was no substitute for an ocean breeze and generally resulted in the infuriating condition of being constantly on the verge of illness despite a mean outdoor temperature that should have left any parasite ready throw in the towel. Having neither lake, pool, nor sprinkler to throw myself into, I found myself searching for other extreme methods of warding off brain fever.
One particularly painful afternoon while trudging up my block after a fruitful but incredibly ill-advised solo trek to Red Hook, I was consumed by a desire for, of all things, an apple. But not just any apple, I wanted the COLDEST APPLE IN THE WORLD. Without any companions handy to make helpful suggestions like “why don’t you take a nice cold shower” or “let’s go stand in the freezer section of the co-op for a few minutes,” I instead stood with sweat-matted hair and sunblock-clogged pores losing my last unfried brain cells to imaginings of apples trucked in from the Siberian tundra. I briefly considered a smoothie but quickly realized that I didn’t want any sickly warm banana or even frozen yogurt to contaminate the purity of my arctic apple. Thus was born what became my go-to snack of the summer: the apple icee.
2 red apples, cubed. I prefer something with a bite, Empires work well.Mix ingredients in blender and pulse until well-blended. The apple icee retains its deliciousness regardless of how emphatically one punches the buttons on the blender. I prefer leaving a few apple and ice chunks but a nice frappe tastes great too.
1/2 cup soy milk
~ 14 ice cubes, preferably smashed up a bit
1 tsp vanilla extract (note: I was convinced that this was a good idea and persisted in adding it to my icees. Upon reflection I realized that vanilla extract added to liquid does not result in a vanilla-flavored beverage, but still had a hard time giving up adding just a bit to the blender)
2 spoonfuls blackberry-merlot sorbet
optional: dollop honey, sugar, maple syrup